Bully – bully – Bully part 4 out of 4

As I ended my blog last week – this question: Is it ok to bully another human being and exclude him/her from a group – because he/she is “strange” and “different”? Is it ok to rule a person out – instead of diving a bit into this person and getting to know him/her on a deeper level?

If we did this, we might discover that this person is “just” a human being like ourselves – and not any “stranger” or ” more different” than we are ourselves.

What happens is actually very “natural” in respect of social psychological terms. From the world of the animals, we know that there is an alpha male, who is ruling over all the other animals of the flock. Some of the weaker animals of the flock risk being expelled from the flock, if they do not know how to gain power.

The same applies for the world of the humans – when another human being is expelled from a flock.

Very often bullying is implemented by one single alpha person, who is usually very strong and powerfu. The person owns charisma, authority and is popular. The alpha person is very good at gathering other persons around him/herself. Persons admiring him/her. What will happen then is quite natural. The opinions of the alpha person are adopted, accepted, and lived out by the flock surrounding the alpha person.

If the alpha person is turning his/her eyes upwards when seeing the “bully victim” – the flock will copy that. If the alpha person is sighing abusively towards the “bully victom”, the flock will copy that. If the alpha person is ignoring the “bully victom”, the flock will copy that. If the alpha person is physically pushing the “bully vicim” – the flock will accept this without protesting. And so on ……

The flock surrounding the alpha person are consciously or unconsciously followers joining closely up to the alpha person. If we imagine a big flock – centered by the alpha person – the inner circle of the flock consists of the most intense followers. This circle might then be circled by another circle of followers at the edge of the flock. The latter might not be as intense as the first mentioned. They might slip out of the flock from time to time to interact with others outside the flock. Maybe they even interact with the “bully victim”. Maybe they even like the “bully victim”, but do not have the courage to reveal this to the flock – because it is so “cosy” and “safe” to be nearby the alpha person. Finally, they might not realize what is really going on.l

The above scenario can be seen in the world of the children as well as in the world of the adults. There isn’t a certain age, which is pre-dominant as to bullying.

What can we do in order to stop bullying other human beings? What can we do to stop being followers because of a fascination towards being close to a alpha person.H

When will the parents start teaching their children that it is not ok to bully other children and pushing them out the group? I know a child, who was not invited to a party, because the parents of the classmate found that the child was too strange.

I want to join the current debate on bullying. In order to succeed in getting a society, which we can be proud of forwarding to our grandchildren – we have to stop the bullying NOW. Whether it is bullying of children or adults.

What on earth are you up to – parents? Get up from your sofas and teach your lovely children about moral and respect towards other human beings. Do it – before it is too late, and your children end up as alpha persons, gathering followers to bully other human beings.

And to the teachers, who have still not comprehended that other people’s children are spending most of their lives together with you. You own the responsibility as well. I do know that the schools are more focused on the bullying problems now – but still not enough

And to the grown ups, who consider bullying of other grown ups to be quite allright. You should be ashamed of yourselves! You are supposed to be the rolemodels of your children – so where does this lead us to?

Even though a person is “strange” or “different” this is not an open access card to bully the person and keeping him/her out of the flock. Neither when in respect of a child nor in respect of an adult.

Bullying is never ok – children or grown ups!!!!

For the curious person, who might still not have found out:

I am Gemsehopper’s daughter. My wonderful father – whose name is not Gemsehopper, of course – got his revenge many years later, when he accidentially met the gym teacher’s daughter. After the meeting with my father, she went home to her own father and scolded him.

And me – I have survived all of it – I have become wiser and better at saying “never mind”

And – well – yes – I am still both strange and different – but I am actually rather proud of that.

Have a fantastic weekend – Life is waiting for you!

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Photo: free images/Photographer Ponnu Chakkara